One challenge that arises from car freedom is that we sometimes end up accepting rides from other people, and cannot help feeling a little guilty about it.
The Tyee has an interesting article about carless parenting. The author points out that ride exchanges are the social currency of inter-family relationships. Without a car, you have nothing to exchange. Ideally, you can find other ways of living up to your end of the informal bargain rather than withdrawing altogether.
When our kids were young, we didn’t have a car. It was, in fact, our guilty feelings about accepting rides all the time without reciprocating that drove us (pun intended) to get our first vehicle many years ago. This is less of a problem for us now because our kids are more independent, but it still comes up from time to time. My sons are away at university, so they solve their own transportation problems. Luckily, my teenage daughter is old enough to walk most places and can take a taxi on her own (with precautions), so we don’t have to rely on others very often.
This gift economy business applies to adults, too. We were visiting friends in Old Town last week. Before we left home, we carefully decided to walk to their house (about 20 minutes) and take a cab home. That was a perfectly logical and acceptable compromise for us, especially considering the money we save by not owning a car.
When the time came to leave, our friends offered to drive us home (using the logic that the taxi would be expensive and they didn’t mind – plus they had a car sitting right there unused). We reluctantly accepted, in part because these particular friends understand the dilemma completely and we know them well enough not to feel bad about imposing a little bit. It would have seemed rude or even willfully obstinate to refuse. Even so, I felt a certain psychological pang over it. Why?
I can think of several reasons:
Social Stigma – We associate taxis and buses with indigence and poverty. Having to rely on public transportation implies a lack of economic clout and social status (as in the shameless automobile ad on the right). Taxis also have a “welfare day” stigma as the transportation of choice among people who are not successful enough to own cars, but splurge on taxi rides to the liquor store when they get their social assistance cheques. This is a ridiculous stereotype, of course, but it still lurks in our collective subconscious. Accepting a ride feels like accepting this undesirable identity.
- Self-reliance – North Americans, in particular, are afflicted with a strong desire for independence. Did this create our car culture or vice versa? We don’t want to feel dependent on other people because that creates obligations which much eventually be paid back. If we never owe anybody we have to look in the eye, we don’t have to let anyone tell us what to do. Banks and credit card companies, of course, are an entirely different matter: we don’t mind being in debt to banks because, at the bank, we feel anonymous. Accepting a ride makes me feel like I’m in debt.
- Friendly persuasion – Car-owners do not accept the logic that car-free people use to justify walking and taking taxis. If I don’t compromise my principles in the face of well-intentioned kindness, I am at risk of sounding like a humourless crank (or at least more like one than usual). I don’t like compromising my principles.
- Convenience – This is another situation where doing the wrong thing, accepting an unwanted ride, is easier and cheaper than doing the right thing, calling a cab. Of course, I know this and feel bad about it.
- Ego – I hate to admit this one, but it is true. I don’t enjoy being a passenger. When I’m in a car, I want to drive! I don’t want to be condescended to as the problem family who always needs special arrangements (we get that enough already as vegetarians). Cars are powerful, potent, manly, forceful! Accepting rides reminds me of all this and, irrationally, makes me feel like a wimp.
I’ll have more on this topic in part II.